"Time is a great teacher -- unfortunately, it kills all its pupils." ~ Louis Hector Berlioz
"The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on." ~ Robert Block
"Behind every successful man is a surprised woman." ~ Maryon Pearson
"Afterism (n) - A concise, clever statement you don't think of until too late." ~ John Alexander Thom
"He had a mind so fine that no idea could violate it." ~ T. S. Eliot, on Henry James
"We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police." ~ Jeff Marder
"I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second." ~ Steven Wright
"One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor." ~ George Carlin
"They've finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer." ~ Milton Berle
[on UK movie rating system]: "Its simple. PG means the hero gets the girl. 15 means that the villain gets the girl and 18 means everybody gets the girl." ~ Michael Douglas
"When the doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other." ~ W. C. Fields
"The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working when you get up in the morning, and doesn't stop until you get to the office." ~ Robert Frost
"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." ~ Robin Williams
"An archeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her." ~ Agatha Christie
"The tragedy of Canada is that it could have had British culture, French cuisine and American technology. Instead it got American culture, British cuisine and French technology."
Boys and girls of every age Wouldn't you like to see something strange?
Come with us and you will see This, our town of Halloween
This is Halloween, this is Halloween Pumpkins scream in the dead of night
This is Halloween, everybody make a scene Trick or treat till the neighbors gonna die of fright It's our town, everybody scream In this town of Halloween
I am the one hiding under your bed Teeth ground sharp and eyes glowing red
I am the one hiding under your stairs Fingers like snakes and spiders in my hair
This is Halloween, this is Halloween
Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! In this town we call home Everyone hail to the pumpkin song
In this town, don't we love it now? Everybody's waiting for the next surprise
Round that corner, man hiding in the trash can Something's waiting now to pounce, and how you'll scream
Scream! This is Halloween Red 'n' black, slimy green
Aren't you scared?
Well, that's just fine Say it once, say it twice Take the chance and roll the dice Ride with the moon in the dead of night
Everybody scream, everybody scream
In our town of Halloween
I am the clown with the tear-away face Here in a flash and gone without a trace
I am the "who" when you call, "Who's there?" I am the wind blowing through your hair
I am the shadow on the moon at night Filling your dreams to the brim with fright
This is Halloween, this is Halloween Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween!
Tender lumplings everywhere Life's no fun without a good scare
That's our job, but we're not mean In our town of Halloween
In this town
Don't we love it now?
Everyone's waiting for the next surprise
Skeleton Jack might catch you in the back And scream like a banshee Make you jump out of your skin This is Halloween, everyone scream Won't ya please make way for a very special guy
Our man Jack is king of the pumpkin patch Everyone hail to the Pumpkin King now
This is Halloween, this is Halloween Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween!
In this town we call home Everyone hail to the pumpkin song
La la-la la, Halloween! Halloween!
La la-la la, Halloween! Halloween! La la-la la, Halloween! Halloween! La la-la la, Halloween! Halloween! WHEEE!
Kate Monster: Finally, I get to teach a whole lesson all by myself. And I'm gonna teach something relevant, something modern - the Internet! The Internet is really really great Trekkie Monster: For porn! Kate: I've got a fast connection so I don't have to wait. Trekkie: For porn! Kate: What? There's always some new site. Trekkie: For porn! Kate: I browse all day and night. Trekkie: For porn! Kate: It's like I'm surfing at the speed of light... Trekkie: For porn! Kate: Trekkie!
Trekkie: The Internet is for porn! Kate: Trekkie! Trekkie: The Internet is for porn! Kate: What are you doing!? Trekkie: Why you think the net was born? Porn! Porn! Porn!
Kate: Treee-kkie! Trekkie: Oh! Hello, Kate Monster. Kate: You are ruining my song! Trekkie: Oh me sorry, me no mean to. Kate: Well, if you wouldn't mind please being quiet for a minute so I can finish? Trekkie: Okie dokie! Kate: Good!
I'm glad we have this new technology... Trekkie: For porn! Kate: Which gives us untold opportunity. Trekkie: For por-oops, sorry! Kate: From your own desktop. Trekkie: For --- Kate: You can research, browse and shop... Trekkie: Mm! Kate: Until you've had enough and you're ready to stop. Trekkie: FOR PORN!! Kate: Trekkie!
Trekkie: The Internet is for porn! Kate: Nooo! Trekkie: The Internet is for porn! Kate: Trekkie! Trekkie: Me up all night honking me horn to Porn, porn, porn!
Kate: That's gross! You're a pervert. Trekkie: Ah, sticks and stones, Kate Monster. Kate: No really, you're a pervert. Normal people don't sit at home and look at porn on the Internet Trekkie: Ohhhh? Kate: What?! Trekkie: You have no idea! Ready, normal people? Brian: Ready! Gary: Ready! Rod: Ready! Trekkie: Lemmie hear it!
Trekkie and guys: The Internet is for porn! Princeton: Sorry, Kate! Trekkie and guys: The Internet is for porn! Princeton: I masturbate! Trekkie and guys: All these guys unzip their flies for Porn, porn, porn! Kate: The Internet is not for porn!! Trekkie and guys: PORN, PORN, P--- Kate: HOLD ON A SECOND! Trekkie: What?
Kate: Now I happen to know for a fact that you, Rod, check your portfolio and trade stocks online. Rod: That's correct. Kate: And Brian, you buy things on Amazon.com. Brian: Sure! Kate: And Gary, you keep selling your possesions on Ebay. Gary: Yes I do! Kate: And Princeton, you sent me that sweet online birthday card. Princeton: True! Trekkie: Oh, but Kate, what you think he do after? Hmm? Princeton: Yeah. Kate: EEEWWWWW!
Trekkie and guys: The Internet is for porn! Kate: Gross! Trekkie and guys: The Internet is for porn! Kate: I hate porn! Trekkie and guys: Grab your dick and double-click... Kate: UGH! Trekkie and guys: ...for porn, porn, porn! Kate: I hate men! Trekkie and guys: {in harmony} Porn, porn, porn, porn Kate: I'm leaving! Trekkie and guys: Porn, porn, porn, porn, porn, porn, porn, porn Kate: I hate the Internet! Trekkie and guys: Porn, porn, porn, porn Trekkie:The Internet is for Trekkie and some: Internet is for Trekkie and all: Internet is for PORN! Trekkie: YEAH!
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THIS IS HALLOWEEN
LAAAWWWWWWWL